The Final Decision
by weekline7
Summary: Becoming hokage doesn't matter, my friends don't matter, my hopes and goals don't matter anymore, nothing matters anymore. So I made my decision, I would end it, end it all, my pain, their pain, their anger, their hate, I would end it, by ending my life.


AN: Hello, everybody. I know I haven't updated my other stories and I'm sorry. As soon as I am able to write them, I will. In the mean time, this'll have to do. It's not the greatest thing around, I know, but I was feeling sad and depressed and the best way to get that out of my system is to write down sad things.

This story is in Naruto's POV, but just in case people aren't reading this I'll say it again.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, I never will, I don't even hope for it, I've never been all that optimistic.

Naruto is out of character, of course, as this is written in his view. I hope you like this. I do not plan on continuing this as it is a one time thing.

* * *

The one and only chapter, 

The End, Middle, and Same Depressing End

Naruto's POV

I decided awhile ago. On the trip to fetch, so to speak, Tsunade, a member of the three legendary, and bring her back to Konoha, to be the Godaime Hokage. When I made my speech, that's when I realized it. Even if I became strong enough to be Hokage, even if I gained the acknowledgement of a few people, I'd always be hated, feared, and not trusted to protect the people of Konoha. I could never be Hokage.

So I decided, I wasn't needed, I was never needed was I? No one needed my presence, my voice, my opinions. Almost everyone who knew my name wanted me dead and I decided I would give them that; my death.

In the battle against Orochimaru and Kabuto, I may have charged in with the intent to rescue Tsunade, but even if I was fighting with all my strength I still wished death upon myself. But, my wish wasn't answered; I survived, driving Orochimaru and Kabuto away in the process.

But, I won't stay in this world, I will keep to my decision, whether I die in honor fighting or with a cold kunai sliced against my throat, thrust by my own hands. I don't care, afterall, I'll be dead, nothing left in my memory but fear and hatred. Even if I died honorably, what difference would it make, my memory would still be filled with fear and unrelenting hatred.

So here I am, in my, even I admit, horrendous orange jumpsuit, picking up my dirty apartment, so others wouldn't have to. Aren't I considerate? With the apartment as clean as it could get, I hid my most prized possessions so no one would ever find them. All they were were a picture of the Sandaime, of team 7, Iruka-sensei's hitai-ate, and my goggles. Not much, but they were important to me.

Looking around, I decided that everything was perfect; I was ready to let this village be in peace. In peace from me, the villages demon child. I would be gone, and they would celebrate, celebrate my death, the death of kyuubi. But that was the point of ending my life, wasn't it, so they could be happy?

So, standing in the middle of my apartment, my only home, I took out my best kunai and readied it in shaking hands. "Is this really what I want to do; is this really the best way to go, for everyone?" I questioned myself. 'Yes.' A voice within my mind answered, perhaps another version of me. But it didn't matter, it wasn't worth the effort to figure it out, after all, I wasn't going to be alive long enough to actually want to find out.

And so, with newly steadied hands, I brought the kunai to my throat and sliced deeply. I could feel the blood spurting from by neck along with the pain. My vision began to swim and fade. Distantly, I heard voices as the darkness surrounded me: "Oh god…Naruto!" And that was all as the darkness finally consumed my being.

* * *

This darkness, I… liked it. It was surprisingly warm, to me at least. It was nothingness. No feeling. No pain, emotionally or physically. Nothing. No glares to make loneliness all that harder to endure. No one to hurt me, or confuse me. I was floating, in the darkness, the nothingness. If this was what being dead felt like, then I liked it. 

But then, things started to change; the darkness began to become lighter. That nothingness felt like it became something. I could feel the throbbing in my neck.

And when everything finally became clear, I found myself looking down on a funeral. Almost everyone was gathered, like at the third's funeral, except, very few were actually sad. Many of the adults were grinning happily to themselves, while others whispered to others about how it was finally dead. Some of the younger children were looking at their parents confusion evident as they wondered why their parents were happy.

And then my gaze fell upon the rookie nine. My teammate Uchiha Sasuke, looked his cold, unemotional self, except that in his eyes, I could see confusion and curiosity, even if no one else could.

My other teammate, Haruno Sakura was clinging to Sasuke, smiling to herself as she looked up at the last Uchiha. Did she not care that I was dead, or did she have her head stuck so far up the Uchiha's ass that she couldn't even show proper respect to her dead teammate? Most likely.

Nara Shikamaru was looking his normal lazy self. His shoulders slumped, hands in pockets, and looking up at the cloudless sky. He looked like he was thinking about something.

Yamanaka Ino looked unsure of herself. She was looking between the Uchiha and Sakura to the casket and back, eyebrow's furrowed. Indecision was clear in her eyes, as if she wanted to do what Sakura was doing but, wanted to stay polite.

Akimichi Chouji was quietly eating chips. It was understandable, he did, after all, need to eat constantly. He just looked solemn and maybe slightly fidgety.

Inuzuka Kiba, the only one who was something like me, brash, load, and boastful, was looking anywhere but at the casket, clearly unsure if he should be there. He was shifting from one foot to the other while his puppy, Akamaru, whimpered at his feet.

Aburame Shino, well, I couldn't tell what he might have been thinking; he was emotionless as ever.

And then there was Hyuuga Hinata, who I knew was timid, gentle, and very, very quiet. She stood next to Kiba and Shino, quietly sobbing to herself. Her pale white eyes, dripped with tears as she stared at the casket. I felt for the first time so far, guilty.

My gaze then fell upon Iruka-sensei. He was holding back tears, I could tell, as he stood with his back straight and eyes looking over to Tsunade and Jiraiya. He was about to break down, as strong as he was, he had once again lost someone precious to him, and that guilty feeling doubled, but still I didn't regret my decision.

And finally, my gaze fell onto the contents of the casket, and I gazed upon my self. My face was ashen and my eyes were closed. I, for once, wasn't dressed in my orange jumpsuit but a less bright one of light blue. Probably decided it was better for everyone's eyes.

When I saw movement at the corner of my eye I turned to see Tsunade step up to a podium and begin a speech. "We have gathered here today, to mourn the death of Uzumaki Naruto…" She was cut off as someone in the crowd began to howl with laughter. Tsunade visibly gritted her teethand waited for the laughter to end. When it did, she continued. She talked about all the great things I had done. She even went as far as to sayI was a hero to have been burdened to protect the village from the kyuubi no kitsune. That caused uproar from the gathered crowd.

From what I saw, the Uchiha's eyes widened in shock, Sakura seemed to snort and asked Sasuke if he wanted to go on a date once the funeral was over because I was no longer there to hold them back. The Uchiha merely sneered at her and tried to wrench his arm away. Shikimaru had a look of dawning comprehension on his face as all he puzzle pieces came together. Ino looked slightly confused. Chouji stopped eating for a moment to think the news over before shrugging and continuing his quiet eating. Kiba looked absolutely shocked. Shino looked emotionless, I guess nothing can surprise him, or at least make him show his surprise. Hinata just seemed to cry harder.

And then the scene ended and he was once again thrown into the darkness; that warm, nothingness, which felt better than anything he had ever experience before. But just as suddenly as it came, it ended and I once again was looking upon a new scene.

* * *

Before me, the entire village was celebrating. Drunks were singing horrendously out of tune about how I, the demon-child, was finally dead. It was horrible to look upon, I could feel my chest begin hurting, I wanted it to end; I just didn't want to exist anymore, to know this pain, this horrible, horrible pain. 

In the distance I saw eight figures standing on the Hokage monument. As if on queue, my view on them zoomed in. They were the eight remaining members of the rookie nine, but they looked older, years older. The Uchiha looked cold as ever, but unlike before, his eyes were dead as he looked upon the scene of the celebrating villagers. Sakura looked emotionless, but as I looked into her emerald eyes, I could see the malicious joy she took in the idea that I was dead. Shikimaru was looked bored but, I could still see a slight anger in his eyes, it still wasn't much though. Ino was glaring at Sakura, for what reason, I don't know, and don't really care. Chouji looked solemn as he stopped eating, just for this moment in time. Kiba seemed agitated, fidgeting from foot to foot and scratching scars on his arms; they were no doubt from rushing into a situation he should have thought about first. Shino; I couldn't tell anything about Shino, he was as impassive as ever.

And then there was Hinata. Her pale lavender eyes were narrowed in anger, maybe suppressed rage, I don't know. She kept glancing from the celebrating village to the quietly celebrating Sakura. With each change in direction of her eyes, her chakra seemed to flare and a killer intent began to radiate from her. The indecisiveness that I had seen in her eyes along with that look of anger was slowly beginning to fade away and her fist finally clenched and she settled her now hateful gaze on Sakura.

And then she attacked. In no less than ten seconds, Sakura was dead from a hit to the heart from Hinata's gentle fist tai-jutsu style. And then her eyes turned to the village below, a newly acquired insane glint to her eyes; she jumped and began to slaughter as many as she could before she was finally brought down herself. But before my view moved to follow her path, I heard Shikimaru say:

"I guess, all the years of pressure from her clan and finally the celebration of the death of her friend, finally made her snap. I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner." He looked down at the dead pink-haired girl and snorted. "She deserved to die." No one disagreed with him.

Then my view finally changed, following Hinata's path of destruction. Because many of the people who could have possibly fought back, were drunk or incapacitated, she got by with very few wounds. People fell to the ground dead fast, whether they were civilian or ninja, she showed no mercy. She weaved in and out of groups. And finally when she fell dead, it was to her own father, who looked at her with cold, dead eyes.

Once again everything fell into darkness. For a long time, it stayed that way, that sensation of floating in the forever darkness. It was great, I wished it would never end and I would never have to look upon another scene that tore at my heart. But, as all good things do, the darkness began to fade.

* * *

As I opened my eyes this time, I didn't find myself looking down upon a scene instead I found myself looking up at a white ceiling. And then, that sterile, hospital smell assaulted my nose. At that moment I knew, I wasn't dead, I was alive, and I hated that fact. 

I wanted to be dead.

It would be better if I was dead.

For me.

For the villagers.

For everyone.

Why can't I die and just leave in peace?

Why?

Why does everything end in why?

* * *

AN: Well, that's it. I hope you liked, if you didn't oh well. Please review, compliments are great, constructive criticism is just as good. However, I think people who flame others are jackasses, and should be considerate enough to at least comment on ways a writer could improve. I say this because, someone got flamed so much they felt they shouldn't try to write anymore and the person who got flamed was a good writer. Oh damn, I'm ranting again, sorry. Nyo nyo sek. 


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